This is an incident that really happened last december, to me, my best friend and my boyfriend's mother. A strange combination, but wait till you hear the story!
As we all know, most probably from experience and hearsays, that there are more common than not, many intercultural conflicts. These conflicts can range from small misunderstandings where both parties can laugh it off, or to real resentment of each other. Hence, the importance of understanding different cultures, respecting each other and being tolerant, can never be stressed enough.
Let's give Best Friend a name, S. S has been my closest friend for 10 years and after dating my boyfriend for two and a half years, I decided that S should come with me to meet H (boyfriend)'s mother for dinner. So last december, S and I flew to Germany together to met H's family.
S is an indian muslim girl, while H's family is german and H's father is a protestant priest.
Upon arriving at H's home, the entire family greeted us enthusaistically. They first showered me with hugs and kisses, followed by extending their warmth to S. When the family opened their arms to hug S, she shyed away awkwardly. There was a moment of confusion before the silence was broken by a shy smile from S. They then proceeded on to introduce one another.
Later on, H's mother prepared a huge welcome feast and invited us for dinner together. As everyone sat around the table and began eating, S started to thank H's mother profusely, and then carried on to apologise profusely. She could not have the dinner, even though H's mother was aware that no pork and lard was to be served that night. This was because S could still not eat from food that were cooked by utensils which were once used to cook pork. That was another moment of confusion and embarrassment. H's mother was very apologetic and extremely embarrassed and hurried to prepare bread with alot (ALOT) of different kinds of spreads.
To end the string of embarrassment, S could eat only two slices of bread with very little spread because she is not used to having pickles and olives and shrimps on her bread. I was once told by my germany language teacher that Germans generally get a little offended when food offered to them is not finished, or taken just a little bit. I believe that was the case because H's mother looked somewhat upset at the table. It may be because she was upset with herself for not being able to give her guest the best dinner, but it may very well also be that she was upset because S did not eat much.
From the above happenings, it is quite obvious how intercultural problems can arise because of lack of knowledge from the two parties involved. Hence it is always vital that one learn and equip himself about the cultural do's and dont's before interacting with the other person, for many embarrassing moments and arguements can be avoided.
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3 comments:
Hey Yu Yin,
I enjoyed reading your post, the details you added in were entertaining and enabled me to visualize vividly what was happening in that scenerio.
Both the german parents and S tried to be as polite and accommodating as possible. However, this was not communicated to the other party as they did not express it in the way that was 'culturally understood' to the other party.
In this instance, inter cultural understanding is very important to communicate ones intentions effectively across.
Hui Ming
Hi Yu Yin,
Your post was very interesting and I enjoyed it! I pitied your friend who did not have a good meal due to different food preference. Growing up in our own cultures and being used to having food unique to our own culture often cause problems when we interact with other cultures.
I feel that even Chinese in Singapore and China have different food preferences, not to mention the difference between indian muslim and german. When I went China for the first time(Secondary Two), I was not used to the taste (perhaps their use of spices) of their food. I remembered there was a dish made with glutinous rice, plum and some spices which tasted like cough syrup. The weird taste remained in my head even until today.
I saw the importance in communication and knowledge of other cultures in your post. If they were able to experience and understand the differences in their cultures, they would be able to ameliorate the awkward situation.
Dear Yu Yin,
It is indeed interesting to have such encountered such a situation. Having been to Germany and much interaction with Germans, I could picture the scenario clearly in my head when I read your entry.
Such a scene is also common in Singapore and among us. In my opinion, it is too common that we take it for granted. In Singapore, we have halal food stalls to cater to the Muslim community. However, in Germany, such food stalls are a rare sight.
I believe that while your boyfriend's mother was confused, she did try her best to cater to S's diet. S, similarly attempted to make the situation better by accepting food that she could take. From a different angle, I could see that both parties had tried their best to respect the others' practices.
I am sure that both parties have learnt from the experience and will prepare in advance in future to prevent such awkward situations.
Peiyu
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