Interpersonal conflict is an undeniable fact of life. It deals with the insensible part of humans very often - feelings and emotions. Hence when not dealt with delicately or tactfully, it can have devastating consequences to a relationship. However, with appropriate methods, it may very well lead to productivity, greater understanding and more tolerance in the future.
Here goes a scenario where all areas of communication broke down.. Personally, I believe that it has got a very simple solution. However, please investigate further
Anne and Bonnie have been good friends since the junior college days. They were from the same class, took the same modules, were in the same extra-curricular activity and had the same part time jobs. They got along well, just as people who are constantly together should. However, the innocent bond of friend took a turn for the worse when things started to get competitive.
Anne and Bonnie both had excellent grades. They were co-captains in their extra-curricular activity. They were both accepted into the Life Science course in NUS. Following their graduation, they were both accepted into a highly prestigious research company. Through the years, there was an unspoken animosity, competitiveness and sometimes even jealousy, that grew between them. It was almost too hard to even be talking to each other anymore.
In the company, Anne and Bonnie both had their niches and were both the leading researcher in their respective areas of work. For the first time in their lives, they did not have their paths crossed (which both thought was more a blessing than anything else).
One day, a team member of Bonnie's research team approached Anne for some assistance without Bonnie's consent. The assistance required Anne to be involved in Bonnie's work and may take up a small portion of the team's research funding. Anne decided to hold an informal meeting to discuss with the relevant team members about the issue. She has not decided to help out and would have informed the Bonnie to seek her approval after the meeting. However, word got around that Anne was holding a meeting with Bonnie's team members and Anne ultimately heard of it.
During the meeting, Bonnie stormed angrily into the room midway and accused Anne of trying to steal her job and to plot against her. All the years of frustration and anger welled up and erupted there and then.
How should Anne react to this situation? And do you think that Bonnie could have handled the situation in another way?
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5 comments:
Hello Yu Yin,
This situation sounds like one in the television serials. Nevertheless, I believe in its possibility of occurrence in real life.
In my opinion, there are two ways that Anne could react. She could either explode and shout back at Bonnie, or she could absorb the harsh words from Bonnie and speak to her calmly after the meeting.
I feel that Anne should do the latter. In front of the colleagues, and having Bonnie in a terrible state of mind, Anne should be clear that any provoking words will bring the situation to a worse state.
Indeed, it is tempting to throw in her unhappiness and shout back at Bonnie. However, words do not get through to people when they are angry. Two parties arguing at the top of their voice are simply fighting to be the louder one. None will listen.
In this scenario, Anne could probably get Bonnie to sit in the meeting. After which, she could make the effort to explain to Bonnie what was the reason for the meeting.
As for Bonnie, she should have been more aware of the situation she was in. Personal grudges are advised not to be brought into the company grounds. Instead of bursting out in the meeting, she should have simply requested to sit in to listen and to find out what was happening.
Listening is part of communication. Both Bonnie and Anne should attempt to talk and listen to each other. I feel that this is only possible when they are both calm and willing hear each other out.
Yes, I agree with Peiyu for some of the points. So that I do not want to discuss how should they react in the meeting.
Some analysis on the cause of the situation. The two of them should become good friends as they grew up in the same environment and share a lot of common interests. However, the competition seperated these two apart. What a pity! Maybe the reality is cruial. But what could happen if they could share and help each other along the way rather than compete with each other until one day they cannot hold the anger towards each other anymore?
We need to make friends in our lives, not the enemies. We can even try to make friends with our enemies if we could try hard and make the first step move in a situation like this. Do not restrict ourselves into our own world. We need to share our feelings and thoughts with others. Also, we need to understand other people's need in an appropriate way.
To conclude, effective communication can resolve or avoid many interpersonal coniflicts in our daily life. Learn and improve on this, we will be benefited greatly somehow, somewhere or sometime in the future.
Hello Yu Yin,
Hui Ming here. Personally I believe that Anne should have asked Bonnie before having a meeting with her group, whether formal or informal. This is due to the tension that is already between them and the misunderstanding that could occur if she did so. Thus, I think that Anne should apologise to Bonnie after Bonnie has cooled down after exploding at her upon entering the room. To try to reason with Bonnie then would be most probably fruitless as Bonnie was most probably very upset and with all the past pent up anger and unhappiness, I do not think she would be in the right frame of mind to listen to anything Anne had to say.
As for Bonnie, I do not think she should have stormed into Anne's meeting and shouted at her. Firstly, it is socially very impolite to interrupt in such a way and secondly, it shows absolute disrespect to Anne who is most probably more superior than any of Bonnie's team members present. Also, Bonnie should have thought over why her team members would have asked Anne for help instead of consulting Bonnie first. It could have been a communication breakdown between herself and her team members that caused them to turn to another team leader for help. Thus, instead of jumping to conclusions, Bonnie should have asked her team member to explain her actions instead of creating such a scene
Hi Yu Yin, Thank you for the comments. I will analyze the situation according to the Blake and Mouton’s Five Conflict Styles. In this case study, I would say that Anne and Bonnie are having a “Competing” conflict style. Both have great concern for their own needs and desires and little for those of others. As long as their needs are met, the conflict would be deemed as successful (for the “winner”). In such conflicts, the parties involved tend to get verbally aggressive (as seen by your scenario) while blaming the other person.
The result of such conflicts is often resentment for the “loser”, which may escalate into further problems. If Anne had responded to Bonnie’s shouting for fear of being labeled as a loser in the presence of their team members, the conflict would probably have gone further south. Instead, Anne should have remained calm and then ask if Bonnie would like to stay for the meeting since she was already there and that she really had no wish of stealing her team members. By asking her to stay indicates that she has no intention to plot against her and that she (Anne) is all ready to let Bonnie hear all of the meeting agenda.
In Bonnie’s case, she could have dealt with the situation in a better way. In order to resolve the conflict, she should have adopted a willingness to communicate instead of listening to possibly untrue words and concluding from there that Anne was there to steal her team members. She should listen to the perspectives and needs of Anne before screaming in the midst of a meeting. By collaborating with Anne, both person’s needs are actually satisfied and this is the ideal “win-win” situation which will no doubt take time to achieve.
Hi Yu Yin!
It is really sad to see how the relationship between two friends turned out. =(
I feel that Anne would have felt wronged at that point of time (if all she wanted to do was to help out) and would be tempted to argue back. However, a good leader would control her emotions (high emotional intelligence). If I were Anne, I would probably take five and speak to Bonnie straightaway, since it would be difficult to get her to calm down and leave the meeting. After calming Bonnie down and explaining to her, Anne can invite her to join the meeting.
Nevertheless, Anne should have informed Bonnie beforehand, regardless of a formal or informal meeting and whether she has decided to help out. It seems weird for the member from Bonnie's team to approach Anne for help without Bonnie's consent and Anne should have been more sensitive to inform Bonnie first rather than taking things into her own hands.
For Bonnie's case, it was unprofessional and disrespectful of her to storm angrily into the meeting room and confront Anne. The least she could do was to knock and ask to sit in at the meeting politely. She would have to speak to that member who asked Anne for help and find out the truth on the matter.
This case would be a good chance to trigger the two friends to talk to each other. It would give them a chance to pour out their grievances or grudges against each other. It does not matter who approaches whom, as long as they are willing to talk. Hopefully, they would be able to clear the misgivings and misunderstandings that accumulated over the years and salvage their friendship.
Jia Yi
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